The goal of this article is to outline to people, who have no clear idea, how tantric therapy could look like in a specific case out of my practice. Here I attempt to describe the whole therapy (3 sessions of emotional detox) with a client the way I perceived it. Also, I complement it with the authentic testimony of the client after the therapy, with her consent, of course. (My thanks for sharing and for the possibility of publishing it belong to Ms. Lenka.)
In this case, I consider the first massage to be the key one; therefore I will mostly write about that one.
A young woman, age 35, came to me, slightly scared, with her story of trying to solve long-term problems in her life, the most complicated one being her partnership – she had been in a process of getting divorced from her husband. She had been longing for a loving relationship with a man but she had not been able to have an intimate life, she had never experienced an orgasm, she did not like her body, because any physical contact and related intimate things gave her only anxiety, pain or emptiness. Sex had been only her duty to the husband that she fulfilled for him to feel good (in her words, she did „stand it only to be a good wife in his eyes“). She regularly felt helpless and misused after making love; even worse since she gave consent to it.
During the discussion she spontaneously went into her childhood in which some situations happened she could not understand or process, she armed herself up and created her personality for being able to survive in given conditions, but she was paying the price of suppressing herself. All her life, she had been functioning within this „norm“.
The last year, her cup of patience had overflown not being able to withstand all the suppressions; after the fall and life crisis she had realized that she wanted to start living her dream and started to work on herself.
Already when telling her burdensome story, she cries, but I perceive a firm commitment in her which I find important.
I meticulously explain the massage process to her – what is important, how to breathe, how to work with sound (voice) and to let her emotions to pass through. The client also tells me that she does not mind nakedness so much since I am a woman; she is determined to go through it and wants to do the clothes-off massage.
Before the massage we do a specific meditation together so that she can get rid of the tension, at least partially; I teach her to breathe so that she experiences what a deep inhalation could do. She slowly stops shaking and I feel that we can start.
I ask her to connect with me looking in my eyes and I slowly put my hands on hers.
Just this connection of hands evokes a wave of crying in her. I also sense that she has the tendency to pity herself so it is important to breathe with her and keep her in the present. I ask her to try to devote internally the whole coming process to something greater and to rely on the wisdom of her body.
When I start gently touching her after the initial ritual, I find that she cannot practically bare even the gentlest touch on her body, even on the safest places such as hands, head, or shoulders. Her body reacts by jerking, shaking, and then crying. With each such wave of emotions I stay with her, do not go further and wait for the emotions to go through and away.
When I get to the body work on her lying down, it is not really a massage.
(Note: It is not normal that client reacts in such an extreme way. Often the clients can go through the massage despite of relatively large blocks stored in the body; at some places touches are pleasant, elsewhere less pleasant, elsewhere painful and somewhere there is numbness. This client seems to be deeply in contact with her trauma, her body is oversensitive, it is not necessary to dig for it deeply, she is simply living it.)
Large part of the therapy consists of only very gently successively laying my hands down across every back part of the body. To every shift of my hands to a new place her body responds by shaking and crying, but it is calming down eventually, however. After some moment I perceive at that particular place relaxation and the tension fading away; I can go further. After treating the complete back part of the body, I try how she is going to react on the sliding movement of my hands, on caressing. Again, the same occurs – crying, strong emotions, shaking of every part of the body. I work with her very slowly and gently; with every new emotion I stop and wait until she calms down. I do not do the traditional massage sequence; the client is not ready for deep touch. It is important to listen to the client’s body in order not to go further or faster than what the body allows.
We slowly come to the oil massage. The client is very sensitive to even the gentlest touch perceiving it very painful. Piece by piece, we manage to do a gentle massage, almost without pressure; I sense she is able to manage the massage in connection with her breath and with the possibility to express all her emotions, but certainly she is not experiencing it as something pleasant. From my point of view, however, I consider it a success – she is already able to withstand the touch and not perceiving it as a primary threat. I do not go for the deep massage, I feel it is important to work layer by layer, and we managed to peel off at least one of them.
The care and massage of her front body progresses similarly – very slowly and gently. The touch on breasts and chest wakes up large emotional pain, often she cries in my arms. After every release of a wave of crying I ask whether I should or can continue.
Even the massage of hands, which is normally loved by women, is causing her anxiety and emotional pain. I continue millimetre by millimetre; often I stop so that she can feel safe and can gain energy to go further.
The spots on the belly are painful even under very gentle pressure; before I get to them I do a long and slow belly massage because the belly is a very vulnerable place and I need to feel that it is letting me in.
I take care of her front body in this way; her body is vibrating a lot, indeed, a lot got released. I feel that I should end here and not go for the yoni massage this time. I say it to the client but she asks me to try at least the outer yoni massage.
I accept and start a gentle massage from the groins, slowly. After about 15 minutes she tells me, after the first large emotional release here, that I was right, that she feels very tired and does not have any more energy to face further emotions.
So I end the massage sensibly, cover her body and stay with her in stillness until the vibrations and shaking fade from her body away.
Then I give her a space to share. She tells me very tiresomely that she is very disappointed from herself; she wanted and hoped for finding at least a spot on her body which could give her some pleasure. But that did not happen…
I explain to her that it is not possible to experience delight or pleasure when there are negative emotions and traumas in the body. In her case, there are many of them evidently. It is not possible to ignore these signs of our body and slide in to beautiful experiences. First, it is necessary to remove the layers of emotions and blocks that are inhibiting pleasure.
(Sometimes a male or female client comes longing for being touched, but his or her body cannot accept it. Body always shows the truth. Touching the body means touching emotional wounds in the body. In some clients this is only at some spots, in others at larger areas, in someone the body is desensitized due to emotional blocks, or is largely oversensitive, which was this case. Sometimes people are used to these symptoms and think they are normal but then they become surprised about all the sensations they experience when the natural sensitivity or experience returns to their bodies.)
I apprehend her fatigue; I advise her to go home, go to bed and sleep; everything will settle down successively and some things may get cleaned up even a few days after the therapy. Rest helps here. I also ask her to contact me during the next few days.
(The duration of the therapy, including the discussion, meditation and sharing – about 5 hours)
She contacted me after three days saying that for the first two days she did not feel well, she was anxious for being an unresolvable case, she was emotionally unstable, but now she feels like she has got rid of something. She wants to continue and feels like she should come once more. I book her to come in a month.
When coming after the month, she tells me that she went through interesting four weeks; many things sorted out for her in a different way, she is considering doing more changes in her life; she uncovers some connections to me. But she is worried about today’s massage, she is afraid to go through hell again. I advise her not to expect the same course of the massage again; in this way she only limits her new experiences. The second therapy could be totally different.
And it is! After the first touches, the client finds out that her body is not reacting by any retraction or pain and relaxes. I do a very slow massage; at every part of the body I wait for the body response allowing me go further. It is beautiful when the therapist gets tuned to every part of client’s body and senses the moment letting her to go deeper. The body starts slowly believing that no harm will be done. A few spots of emotions and pain appear in her body, but mostly she can nicely relax into the massage, she even allows me to go much deeper, she opens up to me. After about an hour and half the client breaks into tears but when I look into her eyes I see total bliss. She tells me: ¨How is this possible it is so beautiful?¨ It is possible. And it does not matter how right now. It is enough to be fully in the process and experience everything coming, let it be pleasure, emotion or pain.
It keeps changing then (pain and pleasure), her pressure points are quite painful, but it is almost to be expected here. Most people feel pain here, sometimes alleviating, sometimes almost ecstatic, and sometimes very aggravating.
But most of the massage the client perceives in a relaxed way now, often with a smile. I almost could not believe that a month ago her body was in a state of absolute tension.
Very slowly we approach the yoni massage, I work very slowly, I sense that the client is not sure here, she is afraid of it. But already during the outer yoni massage she relaxes beautifully, a few times she whoops “this is so nice, how is this possible¨?
Successively I get to the inner yoni massage; I wait for the impulse of her body to let me in. The client breathes freely, she is very relaxed. I am happy with her and feel everything is OK. There are places inside the yoni which are pleasant for her but there are also spots at which intensive emotional releases appear involving crying – very strong emotions. Paradoxically, they exchange with pleasure within seconds. We stay at the yoni massage for about two hours, the client is highly immersed in this experience; she reacts spontaneously. In such a state clients often perceive pain and negative emotions positively, not fighting against them, which is a paradox. It happens because the client is simply in the present moment, not thinking, just perceiving. This client will even not remember these strong emotions after the massage.
After the therapy she feels very fresh, excited, shining. She immediately makes next reservation,
she is afraid of her body “forgetting” the ability of experiencing these new sensations.
I find it good to do another therapy soon.
(The duration of the therapy, including the discussion, short meditation and sharing – 6 hours)
I see a completely different woman coming to the third therapy. Her hair is different, her body posture too, she is shining, looking forward to the massage, she is cheerful and telling me lot of things.
To sum it up in few sentences – she now enjoys a lovely massage. It is wonderful to feel the body of a client going forward to the therapist energetically and physically. This happens beautifully now. During the whole massage there is only one emotional release – at the end of the yoni massage. I perceive all emotions happening simultaneously here – laughing, crying, arousal, ecstasy, love, joy…
I too keep smiling still on my way from the work home after this therapy; in fact it all makes sense, there is an escape from every seemingly dead end street – minimally by walking back in our steps. Our body remembers all the steps and we can meet them again, accept them, cope with them and simply choose a different way…
Jana
(The duration of the therapy, including the discussion, meditation and sharing – 6 hours)
Client’s sharing about three months after the last therapy:
Hello Jana,
after a break, here are a few of sentences on how I am doing. There are lot of things changing in my life after your intervention – to better, of course. What was true half a year ago seems now like hundred years away. I changed my work, found a place to live of my own, I seek social events! And you know how this was impossible for me before. It even looks like I may be starting a new relationship! I do not know yet, but in any case, maybe the first time of my life I feel being attracted to a man. And I am not afraid of it.
I will gladly share more with others, if I manage to remember it all; maybe it will inspire and help someone:
I went through three therapies with Jana. I went to the first one without having a clue on what to expect. I wanted to move on in my life with regard to my relationship to men. Well, I chose emotional therapy through physical contact, because this was my issue. Many of my painful traumas were related to physical contact and they did not allow me to enjoy closeness and intimacy. I had no experience with tantra; I could not imagine what to expect during the therapy. And I was secretly hoping that I will finally experience the touch in such a way that it will bring joy to me.
But I cried through almost the whole first therapy and it was very hard. I was practically not able to accept neither tenderness nor caressing. I cannot say now whether the pain was rather physical or emotional. Certainly, I was very exhausted and could not perceive the process positively. I so much wanted to experience something beautiful and not to feel pain or anxiety, even though my mind new it is necessary to go through these. I went away with the feeling of me being an infinitely deep well of sorrow, not being able to experience anything nice. It escalated the next day; I felt anxious. I was telling myself I am a lost case. But after a few days a strange release happened; something was different. Suddenly I knew I should go for one more massage. I went there after a month with worries…
During the second massage I was crying too, but this time it was due to heart-warming and awe from being able to perceive so many sensations in my body. There was also some pain, yes, but it
dissolved completely in pleasantness. I observed myself being relaxed and looking forward to what sensation other part of my body brings to me. It was like somebody lifted the curtain, allowing me to see or perceive things that I had no idea about.
After this massage I already got energy making changes in my life. This expression is weak; it was rather a thrill, verve. I was like a rolling train finally wanting to live.
I booked the third massage right away, mostly to assure myself that it was not an illusion and that my newly acquired sensing abilities will be there also after a few weeks; that I can really perceive things :).
I walked out from the third massage floating above the ground being euphoric, having the feeling that my Life starts, that I am OK, that I simply can. With this said, Jana, I thank you so much, in fact looking back, it was all great. I now understand the essence and importance of the first massage. I remember how at the beginning a wave of terrible anxiety hit me with every touch. In every such moment at the beginning, the thought I DO NOT WANT IT ANY MORE came in my head. But you always stopped and breathed with me. Mostly it made me cry, I was not used to anyone paying attention to me and perceiving me.
After a while it calmed me down and I suddenly knew I want to go further. In fact, this method allowed me to keep going further; otherwise I would likely run away after five minutes…
Also some of your words helped me – that it is OK the way it is and that I should not push it anywhere. Because, yes, you were right, sometimes I had the feeling of being really abnormal, weird. And that was certainly not OK.
I keep saying these words to myself also in some new situations life is bringing to me.
So I would like to thank you for having the infinite patience and sensibility, for stopping with my every little sign of this being too much for me, for giving me infinite amount of time – I could choose whether I wanted or did not wanted it.
And also for not persuading me, for listening to all my pities and nostalgia before the first therapy without letting me know of it being enough. Because now I almost do not understand what all the things I spouted were. I did not have any distance and did not see anything else. In fact, I needed to get it out of myself.
It reminds me now that only when I came for the third massage I noticed several details in the room – I noticed the music playing, I smelled aromas. I did not understand why these things were not there previously. They were there, you assured me; I just did not perceive them. This was a real unique discovery for me. People perhaps may not see and hear many things across the blinds of their worries. It continued also outside of your space, on the street, at home. Even the people I knew appeared to be different – maybe I only started to really register them the way they were.
So now I see so many things and possibilities…
Also, many people tell me they do not recognize me and ask what happened to me; in a good sense of the word, of course.
Thank you for everything, I am really grateful. I think this is the way it looks like when someone is doing the thing she was born for.
I will gladly contact you, if I may, to tell you how my life is developing further.
Lenka