“I came across Mal about 15 years ago whilst researching on healers in the UK working with Brandon Bay’s Journey Therapy methods. I knew I had a lot of issues. I was closed sexually and ashamed of myself. I dressed provocatively and used my sexuality to get the love I was seeking. I slept with so many men just for the fun of it. All sexual encounters were a play that may have looked sexy on the outside, but on the inside I was numb and disconnected. I had cancerous cells forming in my cervix and I knew I required healing. Although I had read up about Mal’s Tantric Journey work, I really didn’t know what to expect.
During the first session, we did a meditation that involved sitting in silence with eye contact (eye gazing meditation). Instead of being able to receive his loving gaze, I felt total distrust and when he touched me (with most of my clothes on at this stage), I couldn’t receive it, as all I felt was distrust. I decided not to go back again, and over the next year I began to work on myself, going to healing groups and seeing energy healers. I began to realize the distrust I had felt wasn’t anything to do with Mal, it was my own distrust. I felt ready to face it and see Mal again, with the determination that this time I wouldn’t run away no matter what. I went on a long healing journey with Mal. The tightness, ticklishness, pain, the anger, rage, shame and emotional agony were all revealed and released, as this incredible man touched, held, caressed and healed me.
Although I was beginning to understand some of the things that had resulted in this pain, in a way it didn’t matter what the stories were, what mattered was that I was willing to feel it. And through deep yoni healing I was able to release years of anger that had turned to numbness. I began to experience the connection between love and sex, my body opening and female ejaculation (a healing orgasmic release of amrita). Each time I released like this, I would open to a deeper level of pain and endless tears until eventually, only love, pleasure and grace were in me. Mal was always there holding, caressing, loving me every step of the way.
Learning to receive was one thing, but there was also learning how to give. Once I could connect to the pleasure in my body, I could give from that place, and enjoy touching a body including the yoni or lingam (penis) without feeling disgust or shame. It was such a new freedom in my life. I realized touching someone from a place of love and sexual connection within had the power to heal them.
I wanted to share what I had received from Mal with others and began to offer Tantric Healing sessions.
Looking back I think I went into it too soon and wasn’t strong or grounded enough to be working as a sexual healer. But I learnt so much over the years, and have since helped hundreds of people who wanted to free themselves of the pain that prevents them from being both loving and powerful in their sexuality.
After some years of not seeing Mal, I decided to see him again; I had changed a lot, the cancerous cells had gone and I was a genuine person, yet there was a deep longing to settle down and meet someone, and it wasn’t happening. The painful struggle to meet someone was actually preventing it from happening. I had closed down again.
After a few sessions with Mal, I felt complete, joyful and opening. (I remember one of those sessions that involved Mal resting his hand over my yoni while I fell into dreaming about space, sometimes very simple things!) Shortly after these sessions, I entered into a serious relationship with a long term friend, who for many years I had resisted (as he hadn’t fit the picture in my head of the man I would be with). He’s now my husband and the love of my life.
I was physically shut down when I first met Mal and through his healing I changed profoundly. Yet the journey continues; I’m still growing, but close occasionally. I’m still learning, but these days it’s so much easier to open up again and return to what feels good. Mal showed me what it feels like to be in bliss, peace, to feel safe, to be loved and honoured like every woman should be; her yoni, toes, breasts, fingertips – her entire body. He loved me enough until I was able to do it myself.”