Pick up any magazine and you will find articles on how to improve your love life or spice up your activities between the sheets. Whilst advice may range from dressing up, to changing positions or taking your sex life outdoors, the reality is that none of these things are going to build the levels of love and intimacy that will may your love life long lasting and satisfying.
If you are looking to rekindle the spark that you had at the beginning of your relationship or would just like to improve the feeling of intimate connection with your partner then these 7 tips will really help.
Let go of the expectation of perfect sex.
As soon as the word “perfect” enters your vocabulary, you know that you’re trying to achieve an externally imposed outcome, stop with the comparisons and the expectations, just enjoy the moment and look forward to the closeness that love-making offers, focus on intimacy not technique.
Let go of the belief that great sex is about frequency or simultaneous orgasms or any techniques.
Again, as soon as we begin to focus on quantifying what makes for great love and intimacy we are downgrading our own experiences and allowing ourselves to be defined and compared to someone elses standards (most probably the media).
Expand your definition of sex.
Sex should be about love and intimacy it is not simply the act of penetration and ejaculation. Sex is about connection. Sex is about kissing. Sex is about touching. Sex is about connection and time spent together. Expand your definition of sex and you’ll increase your experience for the better.
Connect to your own sexuality and vitality.
You need to be connected with your own sexuality and be open in order to fully enjoy love-making. It is not the sole responsibility of your partner, you need to take responsibility for your own ability to feel pleasure and communicate what you want.
Take Care of Yourself
Our hormones, sleep patterns, physical activity, diet and self confidence can all have a dramatic effect on our libido, exercising self care can help with how we feel about ourselves and our loved ones. If we don’t look after ourselves it is hard to feel attractive or be in the mood for love.
To enjoy love making fully, we need to be mindful as we are most connected when we can be fully present, without judgment or commentary. For many people, especially women, this requires beginning a mindfulness practice outside of the bedroom. If you have lots of things going on in your head and are struggling to keep the days chores and worries out of your mind when you go to the bedroom then you will be unable to fully focus on love-making and the pleasure it can bring.
Maintain a loving connection with your partner.
Maintaining a relationship is hard work. The strains of finances, work, family and even domestic chores can all place burdens on a relationship and when trust and safety are tested and put under strain, the body shuts down. A fulfilling love life requires that we’re vulnerable both physically, emotionally, cognitively and spiritually. If you are not fully open and cannot be vulnerable then it will affect your love life. If your relationship is in a state of sexual shutdown then it is a sign that something else in yourself and/or in your relationship needs attention.
If you are looking for more information about the work of Mal Weeraratne and the Tantric Journey School of Healing and Awakening, please click here.